Inaugurate In*au”gu*rate\, a. [L. inauguratus, p. p. of inaugurare to take omens from the flight of birds (before entering upon any important undertaking); hence, to consecrate, inaugurate, or install, with such divination; pref. in- in + augurare, augurari, to augur. See Augur.] Invested with office; inaugurated. –Drayton.Inaugurate In*au”gu*rate\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Inaugurated; p. pr. & vb. n. Inaugurating.]1. To introduce or induct into an office with suitable ceremonies or solemnities; to invest with power or authority in a formal manner; to install; as, to inaugurate a president; to inaugurate a king. –Milton. 2. To cause to begin, esp. with formality or solemn ceremony; hence, to set in motion, action, or progress; to initiate; — used especially of something of dignity or worth or public concern; as, to inaugurate a new era of things, new methods, etc. As if kings did closes remarkable days to inaugurate their favors. –Sir H. Wotton. 3. To celebrate the completion of, or the first public use of; to dedicate, as a statue. [Colloq.] 4. To begin with good omens. [Obs.] –Sir H. Wotton.
I don’t have any cannons. And I don’t have a parade. But that’s not going to stop me from swearing myself in as both the ruthless ruling elite and the simpering citizenry of the sovereign nation of my own consciousness. Nor should any apparent paucity of grotesque mass spectacle stop you from doing likewise, if you feel like it.
I, (________), do solemnly swear:
that I will execute whatever office I hold in my awareness gratefully and gracefully, governing only myself and no one else, and refraining from doublethink, doublespeak, disinformation, torture, coercion and/or deception of any kind,
that I have been legitimately selected for this office by an occult cabal comprised of different versions of myself, demographically marketed to analytical composites of myself, and democratically elected by unanimous consent,
that I will preserve, protect, and defend existing systems as long as they do the trick, and no longer,
that I will create, project, and develop new and better systems as needed,
that I will revel in and use as I see fit the abundant natural resources of this great nation,
that I will resolve all internal and international conflicts smoothly and peacefully,
that I will pursue Manifest Destiny across the multiverse, aggressively expanding the borders of my imagination infinitely in all directions,
that the patterns of flight and/or intestines of nearby birds bode well for my term of office, and that all contrary interpretations of their flight and/or intestines are baloney, so help me (________).
Or something like that.
It’s that easy.
Congratulations!