Pittsburgh Alpha to Omega

“The problem of architecture as I see it,” he told a journalist who had come to report on the progress of his surprising creation of ferro concrete and aluminium, “is the problem of all art – the elimination of the human element from the consideration of form.  The only perfect building must be the factory, because that is built to house machines, not men.  I do not think it is possible for domestic architecture to be beautiful, but I am doing my best.  All ill comes from man,” he said gloomily; “please tell your readers that.  Man is never beautiful; he is never happy except when he becomes the channel for the distribution of mechanical forces.”

The journalist looked doubtful.  “Now, Professor,” he said, “tell me this.  Is it a fact that you have refused to take any fee for the work you are doing, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“It is not,” said Professor Silenus.

Rating: 5/5 stars

Evelyn Waugh’s first novel Decline and Fall traces the career of Paul Pennyfeather, a naïve, basically decent schmuck whose ecclesiastical aspirations are derailed in the opening scene when he’s victimized by a drunken prankster and expelled from Scone College for indecency.  Cut off from his inheritance, Paul accepts a teaching position (hooked up by “Church and Gargoyle, scholastic agents”) at bleak Llanabba Castle, a boys’ school where the instructors, though prone to much casual abuse of their charges, have as much control over them as Paul has over his own destiny.  Here we meet Mr. Prendergast (a former clergyman bedeviled by “Doubts”), the indestructible Captain Grimes, the tale-spinning butler Philbrick, who pops up periodically under a variety of guises, and the shrewd little Tangents, Circumferences and other geometrically-named scions. At the Annual School Sports, we meet their noble parents, including Lady Beste-Chetwynde, with whom Paul is smitten, and who has recently purchased an ancient landmark, demolished it, and hired the depraved, sleep-deprived architect Silenus to create something modern and “interesting” in its place.

Waugh lavishes his acid pen on Paul’s witting and unwitting persecutors, all of whom are stupid, cruel and/or delusional, but active, by contrast with Paul.  Much of the book consists, in fact, of Paul being told (“He supposed he must have a sympathetic ear.”) the philosophies and life stories of the people he encounters and who keep nudging his life in increasingly bizarre directions.  The Zen-like equanimity with which Paul adapts to having rug after rug pulled out from under him effectively endears him to the reader, while giving Waugh a stable spot from which to shoot his always-moving targets.

Decline and Fall, then, is a very solid satire, though I’m told Waugh went on to write even cooler ones.  In any case, his first effort cracked me up, and if you dig Wodehouse, Spark, or early Huxley, you’ll definitely enjoy it.

Bonus Points for borrowing from Hardy’s fictional Wessex geography and parodying The Return of the Native in the first paragraph of Part III, Chapter Four, and for cameos by 11-11 (B.B.=22, 22=11-11)

“Name?” said Margot.

“Pompilia de la Conradine.”

Margot wrote it down.

“Real name?”

“Bessy Brown.”

“Age?”

“Twenty-two.”

“Real age?”

“Twenty-two.”

and 23 (17/5).

“Hullo, Prendy, old wine skin!  How are things with you?”

“Admirable,” said Mr. Prendergast.  “I have never known them better.  I have just caned twenty-three boys.”

Happy reading and cuídate.